Can We Be Fat And Healthy?
by Karina
I’m torn. Although we all love a good throwback, it’s not in the dramatically pensive and alluring 90’s/2000s R&B music video way. My distress comes from the discussion of body positivity-slash-body acceptance-slash-whatever new PC term we call it now.
I host Body Image Workshops and like many of us, I am on my life-long journey of developing and deepening my relationship with my body. On the flip side, while reading articles and listening to podcasts on the subject, I wonder whether lying to ourselves is part of our new normal in 2020. There’s a gap in the discussion of body positivity wedged ever so delicately between fatphobia and health. I’ll give you a quick catch up in case you are wondering “which one is fatphobia again?!” like many of my fellow Nigerians have asked me.
Fatphobia is a form of bigotry that equates fatness to ugliness, immorality, unhealthiness and diminished worth and/or respect. Fat-shaming often comes along with decreased access to employment, romantic opportunities, relationships in general and medical attention-to name a few. Interestingly, fat shaming stems from colonisers perpetuating that being fat was a marker of racial inferiority and immorality as far back as the 19th century. During the slave trade, fat people were seen as ‘uncivilised, barbaric and primitive’ yet, fat women were fetishised and still are. We’ve taken on Western ideals that are deeply rooted in colonisation and against our own cultures… but what’s new?
Being someone who is passionate about holistic wellness, I struggle with speaking in a space which tells half truths. I do not feel my best when I gain weight because I do not feel like myself. I do not feel comfortable, confident or sexy. I feel lethargic and self-conscious. My clothes don’t fit right and frankly, that makes me sad. In the past, a slight weight gain would trigger the self-loathe - diet/binge/purge - lose weight - then feel worthy cycle I came to know so well.
Today, I’m at the heaviest I’ve been in all 20-something years of my life and I’m also the most comfortable I’ve been. “How?”, the imaginary chorus in my head chimes. In true millennial fashion, I’m going to give you a list with bold headers you can skim through to get the gist of this article while eating your homemade quarantine banana bread.
I stopped listening…
...to social media’s lies and to people who were not in the same boat as me. I am a woman who has recovered from an eating disorder which took over my life for 8 years. I am black. I am Nigerian. I have PCOS. I am plus-sized and God poured in two whole buckets when He was measuring my boobs. The past 2 years of intentionally improving my body image have taught me the reality of what Brene Brown calls ‘the arena’.
“If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback” - Brene Brown
Most people mean well however, few understand the specific experiences of living in certain body types. I stopped listening to theoretical takes and began talking to fat people about being fat.
2. When I did listen, I became the greatest critic.
Let’s be real; it’s not possible to only have conversations with people who get it because, life. I am training myself to be objective and not take things personally. Instead, I dissociate (don’t tell your therapist) and take ignorance as content for my work. Having conversations where you question what you are hearing-whether aloud or in the comfort of your mind-allows you to process critically. This practice is setting me free.
3. I tell myself harsh truths as an act of love.
It’s not possible to self-love or self-accept ourselves out of poor lifestyle decisions and health complications. When we go weeks without exercising, eating a single fruit or hydrating and wake up with aches/pains, it is self-love to eat that mango, start that water challenge, go for that walk or sign up for that exercise class.
4. I move my body.
Did you catch that smooth segue? ;)
I started yoga this year and let me tell you, it’s not cute stretches and poses like we see in 5 minute chick-flick scenes. Yoga is work and it has pushed my body and more importantly, my mind. It has also brought me closer to my body. Moving your body will do this; it’ll bring you in touch with lumps and bumps. It will bring you face-to-face with your insecurities and if you accept the challenge, you will be brought to a place where you sit with them and hopefully cross over to the other side of them. Fat people have been shamed about exercising for years (which is counterproductive, but that’s an entirely different article). I love that the body positivity movement is breaking that bs stigma.
5. Self-respect has a whole new meaning.
Often, weight loss journeys are self-loathing festivals decorated with before-and-after photos. I’m of the opinion that beauty comes from comfort. When I am not comfortable in my skin, I do not feel beautiful and no amount of ‘true beauty comes from within/all bodies are beautiful’ will change that. Where we miss it, in my opinion, is with worth and respect. A body before weight loss is worthy of as much respect as a body after weight loss. An unhealthy body is worthy of respect the same way a healthy body is.
Can we be fat and healthy? Yes. I am. Health does not have one image.
These gaps in body positivity discussions exist and they might do for a very long time. What does filling up the gaps look like? I don’t know. What I do know is that comfort in our skin and honesty with self are pretty good places to start.
Karina Karunwi is a project engineer, body image advocate and founder of Ere Collective.