A few things to remember, when the lights go out.

by Suga

Life as we know it, is gone. We have traded smiles, the feeling of holding our best friends hand and ordering extra sushi on a friday nights for masks, distance and a strange sense of foreboding. We are stuck in a waiting room, filled with grief for all the things we are losing, and the things we have left to lose, mourning a never ending sea of possibilities without even recognising that is what we are doing. This moment feels like the hours before a funeral, the quiet strange way that time becomes elastic and heavy. Every minute both meaningful and meaningless. And then in the midst of the lull— there is more devastation, senseless death and the sound of leaders that are exasperated, deluded and silent. It is not enough to have a pandemic that steals the lives of hundreds of thousands, racists must find time in the midst of it all to murderus (as if we aren’t being disproportionately affected regardless) to remind us that whatever new reality we are forced to imagine in our homes— will be tinged with rage at a system that refuses to shift, refuses to grow, refuses to view us as fully human. There is so much happening, and we are here in the midst of the chaos, waiting for something to shift, for light, for dawn. 

So here are some things to remember, in the midst of the pain, and the work, and the anger.

-We were not put on this earth to produce, putting pressure on yourself to constantly churn and work and labour during a time when the ground feels like quicksand beneath your feet, isn’t fair. Take a deep breath and let yourself feel. Take moments to breathe. Moments to be unproductive. Moments to sit in things. Moments to be overwhelmed. Moments to scream. Moments to be quiet. Give yourself the gift of understanding. These are extrodinary times, expand your definition of yourself. You will need to. 

-We are more than our pain. We are more than our anger.  We are also our laughter and our joy. We are our deep, rich, culture. There is so much to us. No one can ever take that away-- despite the fact that they try. Find space to remind yourself of our beauty. Find space to honour our blackness.

-Hold space for yourself, turn your room into a sanctuary, create a space for good things, for things that bring you joy and feel no guilt about needing to dwell there for hours at a time. Spend days without social media. Without the news. Days lost in softness, and easy joy. This life is hard and painful— every day is a battle. You owe yourself respite. 

-Remember that you have community. Even in the moments were you feel alone. You are tethered by others, you are recognised as whole and human by some. Call them. Laugh with them. It’s not the same as wine soaked nights in your favourite bar, but it’s close and it’s something. Connection changes everything, reminds us of the reason our existence matters. Allow yourself to matter, Allow yourself to be seen for all of who you are.

-Where can you help? Be prepared to get dirty for the things you care about, to do the work— if it’s finding resources and sharing them, contributing your local food banks, sending money to help bail out protestors— think of where your voice and knowledge is strongest. Think of where you can lend a hand, and do it. What is happening in your community? How can you help? How do you help already? Deepen it. In these times we will need each other to be the best versions of ourselves. 

And lastly, Remember, that not all blows can be softened, Not all pain eased. Sometimes things just hurt.  And we have to make space for that too.